Sin-sational: How To Do BDSM 101

Ok, so you're tired of a vanilla sex life and want to dip your toes into the world of kink? Or maybe you've been harboring a secret BDSM fantasy? We can help you get started!

BDSM commonly is understood to stand for Bondage, Domination/Discipline, Sadism/Submission, Masochism. It is the act of controlling or giving up control during sex. And introducing extreme sensations during sex. It doesn't need to involve pain and degradation although it can, and it can also be made appear that way.

The first thing to consider is what you and your partner are currently comfortable with. Is there any sensation you hate? I hate being tickled, so for me, anything that tickles is absolutely unacceptable. I also despise the cold. So any of that is off the table as well. Once you have an idea of your sensation likes and dislikes you can begin to incorporate Sensation Play (BDSM) into your lovemaking.

Taking away the sense of sight heightens the other 4 senses. A good quality blindfold is a very good idea. The anticipation of what is about to happen is a key element in arousal. Be sure to avoid the sensations your lover dislikes. Trust is paramount when you decide to relinquish control. A safe word helps establish trust. Choose a word or phrase not commonly used in sex. You wouldn't want to be in the throes of passion, playing a reluctant lover, and have your partner stop the sensation and ruin the moment. You also don't want the safe-word to ruin the mood. So something generic like "Cookies", "Carrots", "Potato" work well. You can also use a stronger word like "Seriously" when telling your partner it's too much, as in "Stop, Seriously".

Once you're comfortable being blindfolded during regular sex-play, you can add the sensations. Some common sensations can be created using paddles, floggers, whips, crops, wheels, mitts, gloves, ticklers, restraints, suction, clamps, positioning, electricity.

The following is a brief breakdown of the types of toys used in BDSM play.

Paddles can be rubbed on the skin to soothe, or used to strike skin, resulting in a flush of blood to the surface of the skin. Stencil paddles should be laid against the skin and the exposed skin should be struck with the hand, to leave the desired mark.
Whips/Floggers can be used to strike the skin or be dragged across the surface of the skin. They range in materials from suede, to rubber, to fur/fluff. Some handles are made to be inserted vaginally/anally and may vibrate.
Crops are similar to paddles.
Wheels are rolled along the surface of the skin. Most are spiked and sensation varies with the pressure applied.
Mitts/Gloves can be metal-spiked or fur or rubber-spiked. When the skin is stroked and massaged it becomes sensitive or soothed. Rubber-spiked gloves feel very intriguing when used with lube or massage oil.
Ticklers can be made of many materials, and meant to be dragged across the skin lightly.
Restraints come in many styles. The most common is furry handcuffs. However, velcro, plain ropes, silk ties and even latex bondage tape are widely used. These Cuffs are meant for the shower. Also popular, is the Bondage Bar (video demo below)

Pumps/Suction can be applied on any skin surface. It causes blood to rush to the surface of the skin. Generally used on nipples or genital areas as they are most sensitive.
Clamps can also be applied most anywhere. The sensation is two-fold, once as the clamps are applied and then again as the blood rushes to the surface and then blood returns to the area. Some clamps are weighted, or jeweled and decorative.
Positioning Aids are used as a way to restrain and also a way to support different positions not generally able to be done.
Electricity is another way to bring blood to the surface. Some devices are meant to be inserted and some are meant to be applied to the skins surface.

The intensity of the sensation is an individual thing. Some people enjoy pure and gentle sensation, while others prefer the threat of pain, violence or degradation. Actual harming and humiliation of your lover is ABUSE, and it's unacceptable behavior, which is also criminal. You or your partner may enjoy the illusion of these things however, so having a safe word is vitally important if you truly care about your relationship and your partner. Above all communication is key. The point of sex is to increase intimacy and strengthen your relationship. Anything that results in the opposite should be avoided and deemed unacceptable.

Of course maybe you're just looking to learn to be a little more aggressive or want to look the part. This book is a great place to start. And here are some fun outfits to complete the BDSM session.